End The Pain

Are You Type H?

Most of my coaching clients are women. And, several of them suffer from fibromyalgia or other conditions that cause severe pain.

When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia Dr. Donaldson suggested that I was "Type A". I didn't agree then. And, I don't completely agree now. Sure I can be driven and competitive but years of chronic illness preceding the diagnosis long ago drove away any tendencies to workaholism.

I began to ponder the characteristics that got me in trouble and that I saw causing problems for my 'wounded' clients. What I saw were people who put others first (last and always), failed to care for themselves, and seemed to wedded to the notion of being Helpers.

I coined the term Type H to describe this condition.  Apparently though the syndrome I call Type H already exists. It is the "Cancer Personality".

I read the list of characteritics and it was BINGO!

Bang on on all aspects. Especially the one about stuffing anger.Many of my clients confess to harbouring deep seated RAGE.

So, how come some people manifest cancer and others fibro?

Actually in some way they aren't all that different. Cancer occurs when cells go wonky and mutate, growing crazily, like eating one's own body. (Do you like my scientific explanation?) Fibro has been labelled an autoimmune condition where our immune system attacks the body.

Really, doesn't it seem to be about self-hatred?

And, fear.

I was abused as a child. Every single one of my clients who is 'wounded' was abused in some way: sexually, physicially, emotionally, or psychologically.

That kind of serious abuse leaves deep, abiding wounds.

What's really sad for me is that the wounded person then not only feels unloved, unlovable, but DO NOT love themselves! In fact, at a cellular level seem to hate themselves.

It is as if they are trying to kill the bad that was done to them.

Yet, Jude (quoting the apostles) said to hate the dirty garment not the person who wore it.

So, why do we hate ourselves so much that we manifest this pain?

Which is Worse?

I just had the delightful experience of 7 days without the pain of Fibromyalgia.

I attribute the experience to sunshine, sunshine, sunshine, heat, and dry weather.

Then last night we got word of a big system moving in. Thunder. Tons of rain. Cold, well at least relatively.

The air pressure plunged. The humidity soared. The wind screamed. The rain was horizontal. And, when I went to be I was fine -- very, very tired but in no pain.

Then I woke at 2 a.m and the first thing I noticed was the PAIN.

My legs ached. My arms ached. My butt ached.

Then the pain grew. Soon IT was back. The screaming, crushing, blinding, PAIN.

When IT returns I am almost always devastated.

And, I have to work on THAT. That feeling. That emotion.

I've learned that focusing on the emotion only makes the pain worse.

So, I find ways not to think about the devastation.

I pray.

I recite my code word. This is a word I developed in my work with Energy Therapist Joan Hitlin.

Still though my little brain grinds.

Somehow, it FEELS like the pain that comes after days of NO pain is WORSE.

Maybe it's the contrast. Maybe it's just my imagination.

But, still it sucks.

And, I must get back to work on my attitude and my emotions.

I just wish the fucker would go away. Or, I could take a PILL.

But, I must do The Work.

RATS!

Back to Square One

A long year has gone by.

Ch ch changes.

Ups and downs.

But, it seems THE BOOK is calling me back.

So, I am starting up again.

When inspired, or perspired, I'll be back.

The 4 Dimensions of Pain

I've been thinking about this a long, long, long time.

Finally, today it hit me!

I've been SOOO focused on my physical pain that I neglected the fact that there are really 4 dimensions or aspects of pain. In fact, pain can come from 4 directions.

What are they?

1. The first is obvious: Physical Pain. This  is the one we are most aware of. We skin our knee, do too much physical labour -- and, we hurt.
2. The second is just as common: Emotional Pain. But, this one we often deny. Until it really, really hurts -- like when the divorce comes final or a loved one dies.
3. The third is common too: Psychological Pain. Anyone who's suffered severe trauma, knows this one.
4. The fourth hurts just as much: Spiritual Pain. But, we often don't realize it. This comes when we fail to exercise our God Given Gifts.

Next up, The 4 Dimensions of Healing Pain

Dancing With My Muse

I wrote this post about "Dancing with My Muse" over at Creative Careers Unleashed.

It's got me thinking about the relationship between pain and pleasure.

I've noticed that when I feel the building rush and tingle of sensual pleasure... and push it down, suppress it... then I immediately feel the crush of myalgic pain.

I wonder how much this has to do with being abused as a child.

Was pleasured followed by pain? Were they somehow inextricably linked?

Or, is the repression of fundamentalism that paints any hedonistic feelings as BAD?

I don't know.

All I do know is that when I breath and let the pleasure flow... the pain goes or doesn't even come.

Tags: Pain Relief

The Sound of Pain Dying

In Jr. High we had a quirky little English  teacher.  He was a fussy, little bird of a man, flitting around the classroom like a Sandpiper. Pausing for moments to glance over one's shoulder then skittering to the next student.

I still remember his detailed description of how to build a proper compost heap: carefully place each item in it's 'correct' spot, layer orange peels and cabbage leaves just so, carefully pile on potato peelings, add a dash of coffee grounds for drainage -- and colour. Weird, the things that stick with you (that was more than 40 years ago).

It was he who introduced me to T. S. Eliot's The Hollow Men with it prophetic pronouncement that the world would end "not with a bang but with a whimper!"

And, that's another piece of trivia that has stayed with me over the years.

I'm glad it has. Because its a fitting way to describe the death of pain.

I've lived with grinding, crushing, excruciating pain over the last 4 years. And, now except for occasional flare ups that happen when lack of sleep meets tumultous weather, I have no pain.

And, it left with no fanfare. No bugles or trumpets. No sirens wailing.

It left with no bang. But, with a whimper.

Tags: pain relief

Delayed Reaction

It's a cloudy Tuesday, the temperature hovering near -3 C.

I've been sleeping better and longer lately. So, why am I so damn tired! And, why do I hurt all over?

Then it hit me!

Delayed reaction.

Have you ever cut yourself on something really sharp? So, sharp that you don't notice the cut until you stick your hand in water or bump yourself. Then you think back and realize you cut yourself more than 30 minutes ago.

Delayed reaction.

Emotional hurts are like that.

Folks with Fibromyalgia (and I'm guessing other autoimmunine disorders) can be very sensitive to emotional stress. So, ripples in the fabric of relationships can be very distressing.

The weekend was one of those for me.

I thought I had handled it well. Actually I did.

But, the emotional stress took a toll.

And, today I'm tired. Crabby. And, in pain.

If you find yourself out of sorts with seemingly no cause: Look to the past. Sometime in the past 24 - 48 hours were you exposed to emotional stress?

If so, it's likely the cause.

A Pain in the Butt

One of the joys of Fibro is the "pain in the butt" feeling.

Apparently, tender points are the cause. But, what causes tender points?

According to Dr. Stuart Donaldson of Myosymmetries tender points and other pain associated with Fibro is 'caused' by "bad messaging" between the brain and muscles [my words]. As I understand it, the pain associated with Fibro is due to brain wave slowing. Apparently, some initial cause (often an MVA) will create a bodily disruption which starts flooding the brain with pain signals. Eventually the brain just shuts off -- but not really. Cause it becomes super sensitive to stimulation. Hence, pressing a 'tender point' creates great pain for the Fibromite.

This site, the home of a massage therapist, suggests that the cause is utimately due to poor nutrition effecting the junction between muscle and myofascial tissue.

My theory?

I suspect it's complex, as is the condition. And, I think the prime cause is different for different people. I'm one of those lucky Fibromites who experienced many of the most frequent 'causes' of FMS. I smucked up my neck in a body surfing accident. I had a bad reaction to aneasthetic and nearly died. I had a sinus infection for a year and was treated with massive doses of anitbiotic. And, I was sexually and physically abused as a child. That's enough to make anyone sick.

I've talked to many Fibromites and others who experience chronic pain. One common theme is how the pain impacts us. And, what works to make it better.

I've managed to find a simple but powerful way to eliminate the crushing pain I've experienced for the last 3 years.

But, this pain in my  butt stymies me.

Any ideas?

Are you normal?

I have a rather large collection of non-fiction books. Well over a thousand.

Many fall in the self-help, psychology, personal growth categories.

Every once in a while, as I'm sitting on the chair that's parked in front of the bookshelf containing the self-help collection, I glance through the books. That's how I rediscovered John Ratey's "Shadow Syndromes."

Ratey, a medical doctor and researcher in neurophysiology, has written a compelling book about "normal craziness". His thesis is that many of us, maybe you, experience mild forms of severe mental illness. And, that in some cases these "shadow syndromes" actually enhance one's creative ability.

Let's take a look at the 6 he examines:

1. The Difficult Personality - Folks who      suffer from mild depression are often irritable and always critical of      themselves and others. But, they are the most accurate observers of      life. They also have a very strong sense of self.
2. The Hypomanic Personality - Folks who      suffer from what is properly called Bipolar Affective Disorder II are      charming, seductive people, full of energy and enthusiasms, who gain      insights from their deep lows -- and are both elated and grounded as a      result.T
3. The Explosive Personality -- Folks who      suffer from a mild form of Intermittent Rage Disorder can be calm one      minute and blazing the next. The explosive emotional makeup of these      people often brings great precision and passion to their work and      destruction to their intimate relationships
4. The Hyper Personality -- Folks who suffer      from a mild form of Attention Deficit Disorder can be impulsive,      distracted, and hyperactive. On the bright side this Shadow Syndrome      grants high energy, high enthusiasm, and hyper focus -- think of the      traders on the stock exchange.
5. The Social Misfit -- Folks who suffer from      mild autism suffers a deficit in their ability to form and sustain      relationships and are often seen as the “odd duck”, geek, nerd, or wonk.      But, they can often be very skilled at jobs and careers require solitary      focus – such as computing – and have an inability to lie.
6. The Scanners –      Folks who suffer from mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder are anxious sorts      who may also suffer from addiction. They are granted with the gift of  “scanning”, the ability to observe      themselves and others at very fine and discrete levels.

Why pay attention to Shadow Syndromes? 

Because, if you saw yourself in any of these descriptions, you may find comfort in knowing that your seeming non-normality is in fact normal -- and may grant you strengths you didn’t know you had.

Express Yourself

A colleague recently recommended on her favourite books on dealing with pain, Dr. John Sarno's Mindbody Prescription.

I've only read the 1st chapter and already my worldview has shifted. It was like Sarno had been sitting in and watching my pain therapy session for the last year.

Sarno's approach is based on Freudian, yes! Freud, psychology. Sarno's research suggests that much of the pain caused by repression of unconcious emotions. It seems that when we've been traumatized -- and the more severe the trauma the greater the repression -- we stifle the emotions that result. Anger, fear, shame, all those 'negative' emotions.

Sarno suggests we need to find ways to let the emotions out.

Therapy can do that. But, traditional Freudian psychotherapy takes way too long. In recent years though, such easy to use techniques such as EMDR, TAT, and EFT brought rapid relief to pain sufferers.

TAT and EFT can easily be learned and self used.  EMDR not so much so.

But, what else can you do?

Express yourself! Any way you want. Get it out.

I use writing. I write in my journal every day. I post in one of my Blogs almost every day. I participate in several online Lists.

What's your form of expression?

Use it or you'll regret it.