End The Pain

Fibromyalgia: Tired & Wired

Got that old ‘tired and wired’ feeling this morning because I woke at 1:00 a.m. and could not get back to sleep.

I am thinking that I may need to drop my dosage of Effexor. But, first I am going to cut out doing my light therapy.

Man my brain is racing but my body is tired. Used to be that I could go for days on only 3 hours of sleep. Now the old body lets me know right away just how unhappy it is.

That racy brain, tired body feeling is crazy making. It must be like the mixed moods of Bipolar Affective Disorder: manic and depressed at the same time! Who hoo!

It was nice to walk back from the service station with the temperature at 0 Celsius (32 F). But, man some of the sidewalks are icy. Homeowners who don’t shovel their sidewalks should be spanked at the very least. I had to cross the street to find an ice free sidewalk and nearly got run over by some yahoo speeding. People in this city are in too much of a hurry.

The challenge today will be to figure out how to stay focused; and to actually get something done.

I’m trying the timer method: 30 minutes to write and post this, for example. And, ignoring the email arrived signals Gmail sends. Turning the radio off to reduce stimulation. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to regain focus. Stretching my neck and upper arms every few minutes when I notice them, which is usually when my eyes are closed.

Wow. This only took 13 minutes to write. Now to post it and then on to private reflections.

The Hardest Thing About Pain

Some days I think it was easier when I was in pain every day.

Bone grinding pain every day sucks no question. But, it's harder for me constantly shifting from pain to no pain and back to pain again.

Take today for instance. (PLEASE take it!)

My pain went away yesterday about 11 in the morning. And, I had a good afternoon. Even got some small changes made to my website.

Then I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been run over by a semi. Achy all over and tired as sin.

And, it's that shifting from no pain to pain that I find immensely discouraging; particularly since these days it seems to be happening every other day. I don't know if the pain feels worse because I'd gotten my hopes up a teeny tiny bit or because it really is worse.

Then of course my rational scientific brain. or at least the part of my brain that still is, kicks in and tries to figure out THE REASON. Why pain today and not yesterday? What did I do wrong? What didn't I do that I 'should' have?

It's probably the damn weather: it's Chinooking again. Massive pressure shifts and a 20 degree F temperature shift from yesterday. And, if it IS that what the heck can I do about it? Move? Hardly. So, it's ride it out -- AGAIN!

The Worst Thing About Fibromyalgia

Let me say first of all that any posts here by me reflect my experience and my opinions. Fibromyalgia is a multisymptom condition and not everybody has the same symptoms and certainly not to the same degree. So, I will talk about what I've experienced, what I've tried, what's worked, and what hasn't. I do not mean to infer that others experience the same symptoms as I. Nor, sadly, will they experience relief from the same things I have; just as I have not experienced relief from what has brought other succor.

What's the worst thing about Fibromyalgia?

Can you say P A I N?

Here's a way for you to get a glimmer of the pain experienced by Fibromites. With your dominant hand reach over to your opposite arm. Grasp your arm about a hand's width above your wrist's flex point. Now squeeze as hard as you can. Come on you can squeeze harder. Hurts doesn't it.

The pain you are experiencing is probably about a tenth the severity experienced by me on a bad day. Trust me, every time I have pain it IS a bad day ... the pain is rarely less than top scale severe.

Now imagine having pain of that degree from the tips of your tops to the top of your butt. And, from the tips of your fingers to the tops of your shoulders. 

Got that picture in mind. Okay, now imagine having that all over pain, every waking hour of every day for weeks on end.

Not pretty is it?

In fact it sucks. It sucks because the pain keeps you from sleeping. And, sleep is what you need to repair your body and mind. It sucks, because the pain exhausts you. So, that one those rare days or hours when you have no pain, you also have little energy: mental or physical.

Here's another way to understand the degree of pain.

A few months ago I wound up in the Emergency department of the hospital because of pain in my lower right quandrant and an elevated white cell count. The doctor in the walk in clinic thought I might have appendicitis. Many hours later a CT scan showed that my problem was a kidney stone. Now I was told by a woman in emergency, who was also suffering from a kidney stone, that having a kidney stone was comparable to labour (neither one of us were able to give birth to our stones because they were too big). As severe as the pain from the kidney stone was, it was so much less than the pain from my Fibro. It was like a mild sunburn compared to a third degree burn.

A friend of mine who suffered from Fibro committed suicide because she couldn't stand the pain. I don't blame her one bit.

Chronic pain is a bitch!

Me Time!

I just had one of the worst days of pain in recent memory.

It sucked!!

Rain. Cold. Damp. Wind. Almost guaranteed to bring on pain. And, they did.

It was a shitty, cold, damp day yesterday.

And, I was in pain all freaking day.

Here's what I going to do to 'ensure' this pain doesn't continue.

One, I'm adding a new item to my daily Walking practice.

Each day, just before I finish my walk I will ask myself, "What will I do for myself today?"

The second thing I'm doing is this: Every Monday I will go through my calendar and block off AT LEAST 3 ME TIMES!

For example, I marked off 3 2-hour periods of time this week that are reserved JUST FOR ME!

I don't know yet what I will do.

BUT, I do know what I won't be doing.

I won't be spending the time on anything or anyone else!

It's MY TIME!

Resistance Is NOT Futile

Abe Maslow, famous for his Hierarchy of Needs, defined our ultimate need: Self Actualization as follows, “Being free of the good opinion of others!”

I like that phrasing.

People – well meaning, caring – people are always suggesting – sometimes pushing ‘cures’ at me!

Look folks! I know you think you have the answer.

And, maybe you do.

But, god damn it! This is my freaking life.

And, I will resist your good intentions.

It’s not that I don’t want help.

It’s that I have lived with this mofo condition for 11 bloody years now.

And, fixing the freaking thing is MY responsibility.

And, I will do it at MY pace!

And, My way!

So, when you suggest that I should:

· Start taking massive doses of Vitamin Z,

· Get Rolfed,

· Or Whatever….

I will Thank You. Take note.

And, give it shot when I’m bloody well ready to.

Not before.

And, maybe never!

Got it?

Ending Your Pain - Physical Strategies

I want to start with the obvious . . . the physical aspects of pain . . .

and ways to heal that pain.

The basics: We are wired to FEEL pain. Why? To protect us.

We touch the hot stove. We HURT! We pull away. Phew! No, more burny.

But, what the heck do you do when there is no apparent cause for the pain?

This is the case for folks like me who suffer from Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS) and other dis-eases.

So, what's a person to do.

When I was diagnosed I was told, "Well, there's not much I can do for you!" That by an Internal Medicine Specialist.

That's when an 11 year -- and counting -- journey of research and experimentation began.

Here's 3 strategies I practice daily:

1. Walking
2. Stretching
3. Relaxation

More on it's way.

The Healing Power of Purpose?

I'm not sure if this is true... but I'm hoping it is.

I've been struggling with severe, incapaciating pain for the last 2 months.

Some things I conciously did, like neurotherapy for my fibromyalgia, worked -- that is, they helped reduce or eliminate the pain.

But what's been really crazy making  is that one day or even for several days I could be pain free and then BLAM! For no apparent reason I'd have several days of killing pain.

And, I wouldn't know what made the difference.

Must be that need for control.

Anyway, recently I made the following comment in an email to my coach, "It seems like the days on which I have no goal or purpose are the worst."

I got thinking about that.

And, when I was in real pain at bed time I decided to set  a purpose for myself for the following day. Not a big, humunguos purpose. Just a commitment that I would spent a couple of hours writing about what I might do to build my coaching practice.

And, the next day I woke up pain free.

Now, this is ONLY 1 day we're talking about so far. But, I'm hopeful... gotta be!

What if this is one of the  keys to pain freedom?

Then purpose really would be a healing thing.

I'll keep you posted.

Dancing With My Muse

I wrote this post about "Dancing with My Muse" over at Creative Careers Unleashed.

It's got me thinking about the relationship between pain and pleasure.

I've noticed that when I feel the building rush and tingle of sensual pleasure... and push it down, suppress it... then I immediately feel the crush of myalgic pain.

I wonder how much this has to do with being abused as a child.

Was pleasured followed by pain? Were they somehow inextricably linked?

Or, is the repression of fundamentalism that paints any hedonistic feelings as BAD?

I don't know.

All I do know is that when I breath and let the pleasure flow... the pain goes or doesn't even come.

Tags: Pain Relief