End The Pain

Fibromyalgia: Tired & Wired

Got that old ‘tired and wired’ feeling this morning because I woke at 1:00 a.m. and could not get back to sleep.

I am thinking that I may need to drop my dosage of Effexor. But, first I am going to cut out doing my light therapy.

Man my brain is racing but my body is tired. Used to be that I could go for days on only 3 hours of sleep. Now the old body lets me know right away just how unhappy it is.

That racy brain, tired body feeling is crazy making. It must be like the mixed moods of Bipolar Affective Disorder: manic and depressed at the same time! Who hoo!

It was nice to walk back from the service station with the temperature at 0 Celsius (32 F). But, man some of the sidewalks are icy. Homeowners who don’t shovel their sidewalks should be spanked at the very least. I had to cross the street to find an ice free sidewalk and nearly got run over by some yahoo speeding. People in this city are in too much of a hurry.

The challenge today will be to figure out how to stay focused; and to actually get something done.

I’m trying the timer method: 30 minutes to write and post this, for example. And, ignoring the email arrived signals Gmail sends. Turning the radio off to reduce stimulation. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to regain focus. Stretching my neck and upper arms every few minutes when I notice them, which is usually when my eyes are closed.

Wow. This only took 13 minutes to write. Now to post it and then on to private reflections.

In a Funny Space

I'm in a funny space.

But then that's how it often is during the swings between pain and no pain.

The last two days have been horrendously painful, as they often seem to be after my acupuncture treatment.

Now the pain is dropping and as I've dropped my pain-freed-up brain starts going ADD-like.

I want to write but what should I write.

Seem to have written a lot about the negatives of this condition ... but then lately there's been a lot of pain. But, part of my brain is prodding to be positive and write positive. Must be my Inner Polly Anna nagging. But, I can't think of anything postive at the moment.

My coach and I talked about this the other day. How fast we, especially I, can judge the experience rather than just experiencing the experience. I loved what she said (paraphrase), "Be in the swing. It just is!" I think that's true but man it IS tough to do.

However, I will focus on the positive. So, what's one positive thing about this illness?

Well. I've found out who my real "friends" are. You know the ones who stick with you through thick and thin. And, me canceling lunch 8 times because of last minute pain flare ups. And, postponing coaching sessions. And, just being so bloody unpredictable.

So thanks Brenda Collins, Alex Brown, Steve S., Tafline Lachmuth, Todd Porter, Joyce Tutty, Ruth Lachmuth, Ed Lachmuth, Lynn Lambert, Barry Morris, Trisha Cupra, James Huggins, Jenifer Hofmann, Clarence Thomson, Matt Lachmuth, and all the folks from the Tent whose names I can't remember at the moment, for your support, advice, encouragement, and understanding.

Me Time!

I just had one of the worst days of pain in recent memory.

It sucked!!

Rain. Cold. Damp. Wind. Almost guaranteed to bring on pain. And, they did.

It was a shitty, cold, damp day yesterday.

And, I was in pain all freaking day.

Here's what I going to do to 'ensure' this pain doesn't continue.

One, I'm adding a new item to my daily Walking practice.

Each day, just before I finish my walk I will ask myself, "What will I do for myself today?"

The second thing I'm doing is this: Every Monday I will go through my calendar and block off AT LEAST 3 ME TIMES!

For example, I marked off 3 2-hour periods of time this week that are reserved JUST FOR ME!

I don't know yet what I will do.

BUT, I do know what I won't be doing.

I won't be spending the time on anything or anyone else!

It's MY TIME!

Coming Out

I belong to an online group for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgendered professionals.

For what it's worth I think I'm the only so-called straight person there.

Recently, I asked about the whole "coming out" issue. "Why", I asked, "is there such a big foo fra when a celebrity comes out?"

The answer can be summed up this way: "Those who are GLBT suffer a great deal from suppressing who they are. Coming out, both frees them and sets a pattern or model for those who are still trapped in pain. Pain? Yes, pain: psychic, emotional, spiritual, and physical because they keep all that SHIT inside."

Coming out by celebrities validates the whole notion that it's OKAY to let people know who you really are.

It occured to me then that many of us have issues with COMING OUT.

For example, in the late 80s and early 90s I suffered with stress and angst around COMING OUT as a "Recovering Fundamentalist".

Now, I want to formally annouce my COMING OUT as a the adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

There! I said it!!

Feels good.

More to come (pardon the pun).

Ending Your Pain - Physical Strategies

I want to start with the obvious . . . the physical aspects of pain . . .

and ways to heal that pain.

The basics: We are wired to FEEL pain. Why? To protect us.

We touch the hot stove. We HURT! We pull away. Phew! No, more burny.

But, what the heck do you do when there is no apparent cause for the pain?

This is the case for folks like me who suffer from Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS) and other dis-eases.

So, what's a person to do.

When I was diagnosed I was told, "Well, there's not much I can do for you!" That by an Internal Medicine Specialist.

That's when an 11 year -- and counting -- journey of research and experimentation began.

Here's 3 strategies I practice daily:

1. Walking
2. Stretching
3. Relaxation

More on it's way.

The Healing Power of Purpose?

I'm not sure if this is true... but I'm hoping it is.

I've been struggling with severe, incapaciating pain for the last 2 months.

Some things I conciously did, like neurotherapy for my fibromyalgia, worked -- that is, they helped reduce or eliminate the pain.

But what's been really crazy making  is that one day or even for several days I could be pain free and then BLAM! For no apparent reason I'd have several days of killing pain.

And, I wouldn't know what made the difference.

Must be that need for control.

Anyway, recently I made the following comment in an email to my coach, "It seems like the days on which I have no goal or purpose are the worst."

I got thinking about that.

And, when I was in real pain at bed time I decided to set  a purpose for myself for the following day. Not a big, humunguos purpose. Just a commitment that I would spent a couple of hours writing about what I might do to build my coaching practice.

And, the next day I woke up pain free.

Now, this is ONLY 1 day we're talking about so far. But, I'm hopeful... gotta be!

What if this is one of the  keys to pain freedom?

Then purpose really would be a healing thing.

I'll keep you posted.

The Sound of Pain Dying

In Jr. High we had a quirky little English  teacher.  He was a fussy, little bird of a man, flitting around the classroom like a Sandpiper. Pausing for moments to glance over one's shoulder then skittering to the next student.

I still remember his detailed description of how to build a proper compost heap: carefully place each item in it's 'correct' spot, layer orange peels and cabbage leaves just so, carefully pile on potato peelings, add a dash of coffee grounds for drainage -- and colour. Weird, the things that stick with you (that was more than 40 years ago).

It was he who introduced me to T. S. Eliot's The Hollow Men with it prophetic pronouncement that the world would end "not with a bang but with a whimper!"

And, that's another piece of trivia that has stayed with me over the years.

I'm glad it has. Because its a fitting way to describe the death of pain.

I've lived with grinding, crushing, excruciating pain over the last 4 years. And, now except for occasional flare ups that happen when lack of sleep meets tumultous weather, I have no pain.

And, it left with no fanfare. No bugles or trumpets. No sirens wailing.

It left with no bang. But, with a whimper.

Tags: pain relief