End The Pain

Fibromyalgia: Tired & Wired

Got that old ‘tired and wired’ feeling this morning because I woke at 1:00 a.m. and could not get back to sleep.

I am thinking that I may need to drop my dosage of Effexor. But, first I am going to cut out doing my light therapy.

Man my brain is racing but my body is tired. Used to be that I could go for days on only 3 hours of sleep. Now the old body lets me know right away just how unhappy it is.

That racy brain, tired body feeling is crazy making. It must be like the mixed moods of Bipolar Affective Disorder: manic and depressed at the same time! Who hoo!

It was nice to walk back from the service station with the temperature at 0 Celsius (32 F). But, man some of the sidewalks are icy. Homeowners who don’t shovel their sidewalks should be spanked at the very least. I had to cross the street to find an ice free sidewalk and nearly got run over by some yahoo speeding. People in this city are in too much of a hurry.

The challenge today will be to figure out how to stay focused; and to actually get something done.

I’m trying the timer method: 30 minutes to write and post this, for example. And, ignoring the email arrived signals Gmail sends. Turning the radio off to reduce stimulation. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to regain focus. Stretching my neck and upper arms every few minutes when I notice them, which is usually when my eyes are closed.

Wow. This only took 13 minutes to write. Now to post it and then on to private reflections.

A Way To Work WITH FIbromyalgia?

After 9 months I was finally able to write a new newsletter today.  YEAH!!!

That happy event took place because of, at least, three things.

1. Less pain
2. More energy (mainly psychic although the physical IS important)
3. A new strategy

The first two things are pretty obvious. So, I want to focus on the new writing strategy.

But, before I do that I just want to make the observation that it took 9 months to come up with this idea. That gives you some idea of how stupid-making Fibromyalgia can be. My brain was like a V8 firing on 2 cylinders. Couple that with very little 'up' time and you have a recipe for not getting much accomplished.

Okay, back to the strategy.

The germ of the idea came to me the other day when I was thinking about Twitter. You can read about the Twitter concept here. Twitter limits Tweets (your message to the Twitterverse) to 140 characters.

I've been yearning to write for months. Suddenly when thinking about Twitter I had an idea: What if I set a limit for myself of writing a 140 word newsletter? Then, today, I thought: What if I aim to write AND publish it in an hour?

So, I gave it a shot! And, IT WORKED!

I'm so excited!!

And, I'm going to try the strategy again by applying the principle to writing my blog posts.

Some Things Don't Always Work

This will be quick as I've been in major pain all day.

Today illustrates one of those 'evil' principles of dealing with Fibro. Namely, what helped before may not help today.

A lot of times if I soak in a very hot bath (with Epsom salts); that soaking seems to trigger an end to the pain.

Not today though. In fact, I had two good long hot soaks and the pain has stayed steady at the top of the pain meter.

And, that's just one of the frustrating things about this condition ... never knowing if a remedy will work or not. So, I just have to give it a try and see what happens.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll just flop in the recliner and distract myself with a movie.

The Monster Behind My Eyeballs

What happens when you feel tired?

Does the "Monster" take up residence behind your eyeballs?

You know the one that whispers in your ear.

Dis-couraging advice like: "Why bother?" "Give it up! You''ll never succeed." "Nobody wants your talents." "Why don't you just jump..."

I don't remember where I first heard this advice, but it's a damn good. Apparently, folks attending Al-Anon meetings are told to remember the acronym H.A.L.T. Why?

Because, when you are H - hungry, A - angry, L - lonely, or T -tired you will be more susceptible to dis-couragement... to the "Monster" behind your eyeballs.

I know whenever I'm tired I get very dis-couraged and down on myself.

So, when I hear those dis-couraging words I tell Monster to "SHUT UP!"

Or, I find something I enjoy doing, like Blogging, and I do it!

 

Tags: Pain Relief

Support

This is for Rumi T.

SUPPORT 

Each of us
Is alone
And
Yet not.

 None but us
Lives inside
The body
And
The mind.

 None other can
know, taste,
savour the fear, terror,
happiness, delight,
and ecstasy.

 Pale empathies
We share.
Yet, living inside,
Alone
Yields not
Completeness.

 In Truth
We are islands.
We alone choose
Insular status
Or
Construct bridges,
Causeways,
And, paths to others.

 Connections are made
Not from one
Rather the reaching
Out of two.

 You will always
Be an  island.
But need not
Alone entirely be.

 It is but for you to choose.

© 1987 Lyle T. Lachmuth

Tags: Pain Relief

Sit With The Pain

So, the leg is acting up...

Hurts like freakin hell.

Doc, says (this time) could be Sciatica. Swell, that's diagnosis 4 1/2.

Didn't take the good drugs on the weekend... ran out.

Man oh man, ya appreciates drugs when ya don't got em.

Just off the phone with my favourite clinical pschologist Dr. Karen Shue. Karen's one of the people most responsible for me getting back my health.

Talked about my notion that the pain is psychogenic in origin. And, about my plan to move ahead with a dialogue with the pain.

Instead, she suggested an interim step.

Sit with the pain.

That is, just experience it, feel it, see what happens. It will subside just from 'sitting with it"

I'm not the patient type. But, the pain is severe so I know something important is going on

So, I shall sit.

Talk to The Pain

If you've been following along these last 13 days, you know that I somehow 'injured' my left leg.

I put injured in quotes for a couple of reasons.

One, none of the medical professionals I talked to really knew what was wrong... or what happened... or why.

Two, something I read yesterday, causes me to believe that the problem is psychogenic in origin.

You'll recall that some weeks ago I recommended John Sarno's book The MindBody Prescription.

Well, yesterday, I travelled out of town. I took the 6 a.m. flight to save some money and got to the meeting site 2 hours early.

What a great thing to do! No one bugging me. No siren song of e-mails. Time to relax. And, catch up on reading.

Managed to finish Sarno's book.

What struck me as I read were his comments about how Tension Myositis Syndrome often shows up in a new place... when the old spot has been 'dealt with."

I recently reported many days free of major, crushing pain.

Now, all of sudden, pain in the left hip and leg.

Coincindence?

I thought not. But, reading Sarno confirmed my  suspicion.

So, what did I do?

Sarno suggests simply "shouting" at the pain. Driving it away.

I think there's more value in a dialogue.

So, this morning I had a dialogue with the pain on my left side. By the way, Louise Hay, in her wonderful little book, "Heal Your Body", reminded me that the Left Side of the Body represents "Feminine energy".

That's significant for me, as I experience my Muse as Feminine. And, the plans I set on Saturday, January 14th called for me to begin expressing my Muse, even more. Then 'suddenly', on Sunday, I have pain in my left leg (Hay says legs represent moving ahead).

No coincidence, I think. For all these reasons, I decided a dialogue with my pain was critical.

 

Here's how the dialogue went:

Me: What are you trying to acheive?

Pain: Slow you down!

Me: Why?

P: So you'll do the right thing: take care of yourself.

Me: How?

P: You need to start swimming again [A lapsed practice]. Rest. Take it slow.

Me: So, what do I need to do today? Now?

P: Don't push. BREATH! Take it eay. Don't stress yourself.

Me: Anything more... or anything special I need to do?

P: Cruise... don't push... don't get anxious.

So, is the advice obvious or not?

I need to stop pushing myself. Stop creating anxiety.

And, resume a practice I've let lapse... Swimming.

Sounds easy.

It is.. and it isn't. Old habits die hard. New ones are even harder to keep in place.

But I know from experience that when I follow the advice pain gives me.. the pain will leave.

IF I don't... it will get worse.

Far, far worse.

That's an incentive!!

It's Never Just One Thing

When you are dealing with non-specific pain like that associated with fibromyalgia, lupus, MS, nerve damage, and others -- it usually takes more than a pretty pink pill to end it.

I've been grappling with severe, lengthy episodes of pain since the Fall of 2002.

And, I've tried a lot of things to make that pain go away.... far, far away.

I was just updating my daily health log this morning when I realized that I hadn't experienced any severe pain episodes, of any length, since January 1st.

Whooooee!!

How come?

Putting aside all the work I did last year...and the year before... and the year before that...

Here's what I believe made the difference. Not one thing, but several.

1) At Christmas I had a REAL break...no clients, no demands, no Internet, lots of sleep, naps, rest, and walks in the early morning, alone.

2) January 1st I revised my daily practices... see this post for the details. My three daily practices are now:

1. Write first thing -- either in my diary or in my Blogs
2. Stretch -- stretch physically and mentally
3. Listen -- to my body, to what's callig me, and to ALL of me (all those little voices inside)

These changes, added to the work I did last year have brought me to a place where I am free of severe myalgia.

And, I KNOW, I'll stay that way... as long as I keep up my practices..

A Pain in the Butt

One of the joys of Fibro is the "pain in the butt" feeling.

Apparently, tender points are the cause. But, what causes tender points?

According to Dr. Stuart Donaldson of Myosymmetries tender points and other pain associated with Fibro is 'caused' by "bad messaging" between the brain and muscles [my words]. As I understand it, the pain associated with Fibro is due to brain wave slowing. Apparently, some initial cause (often an MVA) will create a bodily disruption which starts flooding the brain with pain signals. Eventually the brain just shuts off -- but not really. Cause it becomes super sensitive to stimulation. Hence, pressing a 'tender point' creates great pain for the Fibromite.

This site, the home of a massage therapist, suggests that the cause is utimately due to poor nutrition effecting the junction between muscle and myofascial tissue.

My theory?

I suspect it's complex, as is the condition. And, I think the prime cause is different for different people. I'm one of those lucky Fibromites who experienced many of the most frequent 'causes' of FMS. I smucked up my neck in a body surfing accident. I had a bad reaction to aneasthetic and nearly died. I had a sinus infection for a year and was treated with massive doses of anitbiotic. And, I was sexually and physically abused as a child. That's enough to make anyone sick.

I've talked to many Fibromites and others who experience chronic pain. One common theme is how the pain impacts us. And, what works to make it better.

I've managed to find a simple but powerful way to eliminate the crushing pain I've experienced for the last 3 years.

But, this pain in my  butt stymies me.

Any ideas?

A New Year's Practice

My  current newsletter  talks about replacing resolutions with practices.

My morning's walk is a time for exercise, reflection, dreaming, and planning. This morning it occured to me that what had made a real difference in my pain level were the practices I had instituted. So, I thought to ask my inner guides what the #1 practice for this new year ought to be.

The answer: "Listen to your body" was whispered in a soft, quiet, barely discernable voice -- what irony!

Simple answer. Hard to do.

Well, at least for me.

I tend to live in the world of intuition: possiblities, dreams, the future and anything but the here and now. Nothing wrong with that, except when I don't pay attention to what I need NOW.

Hence, my inner guides advice: Listen.

But how?

One, way to listen is to first ask. So, everym morning, at least, I ask my body  what it needs. It tells me!

Another way to listen is to take a deep breath, move into my body and out of my head, and just move through the parts of me.

This year I know I will find more ways...

And, I will share them with you.